Alias: Season 4 Finale
By: Mark Runyon | Category: Show Archive | 05/26/05 | 06:26 PM
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Episode: B- | Season: C |
Genre: Drama
Summary: This episode was just silly. While the revelation at the end definitely hooked you for next season, it didn't do much to redeem the 59 minutes that came before it.
This season of Alias has been like a bad dream that you can't seem to wake up from. First, the gang gets branched off from the C.I.A. in the form of a covert group A.P.O. (Authorized Personnel Only -- so cheesy I can't say it without crackers). Then we find out Sloan is heading this group by some bizarre twist of fate. Since then the episodes have slowly sunk in quality, seeming to gravitate to the supernatural and more soap opera-esque moments. The show is hopelessly tarnished, and I've found myself questioning whether I should actually turn on the TV Wednesday nights. But the same incredible magnetism that made the God-awful Daredevil a must-see is toying with me again -- Jennifer Garner. The woman is blindingly hot. She is the reining champ of my top 5 list four years running, and I haven't seen a woman yet that's got the goods to dethrone her. Last night, it was time to bid a fond farewell to our Alias crew for another season in hopes that they will hire a new writing team over the summer. |
So it does us little good to discuss this week's episode without covering the whirlwind, which was the two-hour fake-out season finale, last week. It was a jumbled mess of insights just dumped on us. Sloan defects and really is the bad guy he's been protesting all season that he's not. Irina's not dead. Evidently, she'd just been playing a groundhog in some hole in South America. Nadia discovers her mother figure is actually the Dark Chancellor bent on world destruction. When do you find time for world domination between the Girl Scout bake sales and the piles of laundry? Vaughn asks Sydney to marry him to which she tells him to ask her properly on the beach at Santa Barbara instead of during a mission you unromantic bleepity, bleep. And finally the world is getting ready to come to an end. No really, this week it actually is. The world's water supply has been tainted and all the Rambaldi elements have come together as a huge glowing 4 square ball levitating over some obscure Russian city. Yeah they shoe horned all this into two hours yet somehow haven't had an interesting plot line for us all year. You figure it out.
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| Vaughn preparing for a smackdown with no talent ass clown Ben Affleck |
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Which brings us to the season finale this week. It was a very careful mix of Night of the Living Dead meets Star Wars. The gang parachute into Sevogda to disarm the Rambaldi device before the Russian military bombs the town back into the Stone Ages. The town has become a zombie paradise per the tainted drinking water, and the big red clown nose spinning like a disco ball in the sky. The sisters enter into this simmering crisis with the thought of the Rambaldi prophecy floating in the back of their heads. There will be a fight to the death between them and only one gets out of it with her cute butt intact.
During one of the death defying escapes, a group of zombies wash over Nadia and the A.P.O. squad is forced to leave her behind. She is eventually brought to Elena and told that she must join Elena in her quest for world destruction. "Search your feelings Nadia and you will see that I am your father" came up at one point, which I thought was kind of strange coming from a woman. At least Mia Maestro didn't fall into that whiny Mark Hamill "No, I'll never join you" pout.
So Nadia's defiance gets her injected with water (I guarantee I'll never get to use that phrase ever again), which turns her into a slobbering dead head. The epic showdown between Sydney and Nadia is set into motion. Sydney is ready to disable the twirling ball yet Nadia is guarding it. The catfight was really disappointing. No body slams, no name calling, not even a Miller Lite stripping in the fountain scene. Oh the wasted potential. Do I really need to tell you who prevailed? Anyway, Elena gets capped in the head, Sloan puts a round through Nadia to save Sydney, blurring his true motives, thus allowing Sydney to save the world and Irina slips out stage left to avoid prosecution, jail and those fun shower scenes you always see on Cinemax. Nadia is left in a straight jacket as they search for a cure to zombieism.
And if all that excitement wasn't enough, the last scene flashes to Sydney and Vaughn driving to Santa Barbara, discussing their plans to elope, when Vaughn drops his bomb on Sydney. Their first meeting was no coincidence and evidently his name isn't actually Michael Vaughn. SLAM! Car comes out of nowhere and knocks the crap out of them. See you in the fall.
Yeah this episode was just silly. While the revelation at the end definitely hooked you for next season, it didn't really do much to redeem the 59 minutes that came before it. They are damn lucky they have Garner and Maestro to keep all of us hormonally challenged men involved. Speaking of Jennifer, am I the only one concerned by this whole pregnancy thing? I mean how is she supposed to kick ass carrying around that big belly. Maybe they could turn Alias into a comedy for a season because seeing her attempt to do one of those roundhouse kicks would be pretty humorous. Alias is becoming that really hot woman who you have nothing in common with. You can't break up with her for obvious reasons, but how can you sit through another conversation about her internal dilemma about whether she should have celery for lunch? What's a guy to do?
Original Airdate: May 25, Wednesday 10/9c
Season Finale: 04.22 "Before the Flood"
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