Nine Reasons Not to Kill Your TV
By: Mark Runyon | Category: PM Television Commentary | 09/10/05 | 11:46 PM
 If you are anything like me, some days you just want to take that glowing box in your living room and chunk it out the window (note: if the television is over 50 pounds, have a friend help you with the chunking process). How is it bloody possible to have a gazillion channels, and nothing is even remotely watchable? I mean when I was ten, I used to come home and glue my eyeballs to the tube for hours at a time watching the Smurfs, Transformers, G.I. Joe and sometimes losing the battle with my sister over Care Bears. The thing was like an I.V. filled with cultural filler that I would lap up every juicy morsel. Today, I'm lucky if I can scrape together 30 minutes of remotely interesting programming between the reality trash and the disposable network clutter. Usually, I don't even take up the fight with the remote, instead popping in a DVD to call it a night. With great shows like Six Feet Under and Queer as Folk locking themselves in the vaults of TV history the choices have grown even more painfully slim. So why should you pay you're cable bill this month instead of blowing it at the strip club? Wait a minute. Are those my choices?
> Scrubs - After an initial spark by E.R., a flood of copycat medical dramas rushed onto the scene to make the profession the stalest cracker on TV. Leave it to the the unlikely team of Scrubs to resuscitate medical TV with (gasp!) comedy. J.D.'s inner monolog and wildly quirky daydreams are so screwy that you never know where they will end up. The show always ventures down the unconventional route and isn't afraid to take daring comedic risks to land a sketch. What is perhaps most surprising is the depth of their dramatic elements. In those brief moments when they set their sites on it, they are as good as any hard hitting drama on television. I can probably count on one hand the number of television comedies in the history of the tube that could pull off that feat. Scrubs still garners heapings of acclaim like its strange sister on Fox Arrested Development, though it has yet to really break out of cult hit status. It is a peculiar brand of humor that isn't for everyone, but if you can hook in, you'll never leave Zach Braff and the wacky gang again. In their infinite wisdom, NBC put this comic masterpiece on hiatus for the fall 2005 schedule so we'll have to queue up our season 1 DVD set to get our fix while continuing to ponder the fate of Sarah Chalke's Elliot. Watch for season 2 arriving on store shelves November 15th.
 > Russian Tennis Goddesses (Maria & Elena) - Forget Anna Kournikova, give me a woman who is hotter than fire and can whip me into a frenzy collecting titles on the tennis court. We don't have to go far from Anna's mother Russia to find the two hottest women in tennis -- shoot stretch that comment out to the entire sports universe. Maria Sharapova launched atop the women's tennis world, winning last year's Wimbledon, then proceeded to string together an impressive run to the semis in both the Australian Open and the current US Open. The 6'2 stunner is becoming one of the most recognized faces in tennis through her modeling work, celebrity magazine appearances and the rumor mill has her tagged as Andy Roddick's latest flame. Taking some off court lessons from Steffi Graff perhaps? Elena Dementieva doesn't have quite the glitz and falls shy of the level of game that Sharapova commands, but she is one of the best, making finals appearances in the US Open as well as the French. She got shoveled out of the running during the current US Open yesterday by a questionable 'time-out' by Mary Pierce. I think it's high time you tattooed Wilson on her forehead Elena. These ladies are my kind of love match, giving me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. Tennis skirts have never been sexier.
US Open Schedule
> The Office - Steve Carell has blown the reticent summer box office wide open with the raunchy comedy 40-Year-Old Virgin. He returns to his day job as severely politically incorrect office manager, Michael, spearheading the Ameicanization of the acclaimed BBC import. It's first season proved shaky in the ratings and pushed the envelope of uncomfortable humor more than a handful of times. Regardless, it proved a shrewd comedy that really lunged for the jugular in a way usual reserved for the cable networks. They still have a lot of proving to do to live up to the hilarious antics of Rick Gervais, Martin Freeman and their other BBC forefathers (read the complete play-by-play of NBC vs. BBC), but they've shown they have the spunk and the tenacity to make a sizable dent in the D.O.A. NBC schedule. Now if we could just get them to effectively translate Coupling?
Premiere: Tuesday, September 20 at 9:30
 > Nip/Tuck - Is there a cooler cat than Mr. Christian Troy? He sports around in exotic cars, beds sizzling women, squeezes in a little work shaping perfect breasts all the while stepping into life with that take no s#$t attitude. These combine to make him the man every man wants to be and women crave him like Belgian chocolate, despite knowing the calorie count he'll inflict on their heart. McNamara/Troy live in a playboy's paradise, where their opulent lifestyles only seem to bring trouble and dysfunction to everything their scalpels touch. Its graphic surgery scenes, borderline nudity and racy plotlines have helped it to surf through its second season without losing any chomp on its fierce bite that first made it such revolutionary and addicting television. After being a virtual lock for the role of James Bond, Julian McMahon has had his ambitions doused, following a self-promotional photo shoot. After duds like Fantastic Four, he should be around to spice up Nip/Tuck for some time. So tell me what you don't like about yourself?
Premiere: Tuesday, September 20 at 10pm
> Grey's Anatomy - Grey's was a late entry to ABC's spring line-up, but one that made a major splash. Feeding off the lead-in spot of those ever Desperate Housewives, Grey's consistently lodged itself into the Nielson top 10. With a superb cast anchored by the talents of Ellen Pompeo, Patrick Dempsey and Isaiah Washington, the show caught on by clutching onto the real challenges, fears and racing adrenile felt by medical interns, whittling away the hours on the clock. This honest look reminded you of the charge E.R. first had, and Grey's knows when to interject the lighthearted banner and the comedic undertones. Its high quality execution week over week resonated with audiences, elbowing Boston Legal out of its Sunday night timeslot. Can Grey's Anatomy continue it's winning ways as it gets ready to launch its new season? I think the better question is how Meredith is going to keep from clawing Derek's eyes out over the revelation of the wifey they conveniently left us lingering with?
Premiere: Sunday, September 25 at 10pm
 > Georgia Bulldogs - I'll admit I was first in line to bemoan the state of a Georgia football team without the combined firepower of Pollack and Greene manning the frontlines. Amid the brutal SEC conference, I was just hoping we survived the seasonal mauling with a winning record. National champions you say? Ha, ha you kidder. After seeing the previously spotty Shockley and company spank a pretty good Boise State team, I have visions of conference champion bulldogs floating in my head. The dawgs defense ate Zabransky alive last Saturday with 5 interceptions and 2 fumbles -- before halftime. Shockley was making passes NFL quarterbacks couldn't land on their best day. Then Spurrier came to Athens this evening with his 11-1 record against the dogs and, after a nail biter, Georgia welcomed him back to the SEC with a well deserved loss, chipping away at the Cocks with the power of Georgia's running game. This is going to be one exciting season. Gators, Yeller Jackets, Vols -- y'all best stay home unless you want to be reduced to slobbery doggie biscuits.
Georgia Bulldog's Season Schedule
> The Daily Show with Jon Stewart - After an ill-timed vacation last week, Jon Stewart quickly settled back in by lighting into the gross mismanagement by the Bush administration regarding the response to the New Orleans hurricane disaster. If you are a federal government agency with the word 'emergency' or 'homeland security' in your title, and you aren't mobilizing the second the threat of disaster is realized, your ass should be fired. That is the entire reason for your being, and you failed the American people with your criminal negligence. Your feet dragging cost hundreds of American lives, which is an inexcusable offense. Thankfully, the news media got off is butt for once to call this administration on its incompetence, but Jon doesn't need a disaster to tell it like it is. His comedy show is the most biting political satire on television and indirectly accomplishes so much more than the ineffectual talking heads of Fox News, CNN, MSNBC and all the other 24/7/365 supposed news networks. If you really want to know what's going on in the world, watch Jon. Did I mention he's rolling on the floor hilarious?
Weeknights at 11 on Comedy Central
> Passport to Europe - Travel shows are usually cheesier than a block of Velvetta. Have you ever seen Rick Steve's caught in the 80's time warp? The Travel Channel has some interesting, hip programming like 5 Takes and Samantha Brown's Passport to Europe. Samatha bounces around to the interesting spots in Europe that we all long to see, and she isn't afraid to get down and dirty in the local culture. Like Amsterdam. You expect a travel show to show you the dry, G-rated aspects of this racy city right? Well the first thing Samantha does is heads to the hash bar then wraps the night with a leisurely stroll through the red light district. Now that's a travel show. She's a spunky chick who will try local cuisine, show you the best places to stay, and how to navigate the cultural hurdles. She isn't afraid to make a fool of herself when it's appropriate. Prague was added to my list of must-see places because of this program, and I'm sure many more will follow.
> Alias - All right so Alias is struggling on life support at the moment, making this a questionable pick. Not only that but the new season looks scary. Egg shaped Jen doing roundhouse kicks? Vaughn possibly getting the ax? The attack of the big red Clifford ball part deux? Can super sexy Jennifer Garner hold onto this Vasaline dipped watermelon to keep the show from turning into a drive-by seeding? It's not looking good, but I guess we could always subscribe to senseless optimism.
Premiere: Thursday, September 29 at 8pm
With some free slots opened up in my dance card, I think I'm going to give Lost, Arrested Development and maybe something new a go to see if anything sticks this fall season. I'll keep you posted.
Will Nip/Tuck's Christian get carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey? Will Alias' Vaughn pull off his humanoid mask, V style, to revel he's really an alien from the planet Zaxxon? Stay tuned to PM in the weeks ahead for a complete roll out of colorful reviews on the season premieres of your favorite shows.
|
