Nip/Tuck: Season 3 Finale - The Carver Unmasked
By: Mark Runyon | Category: Show Review | 12/24/05 | 11:20 PM
 |  |  Grade: B- | Genre: Drama
Summary: So the season closer unveiled our masked stalker with little surprise. I thought the clever writers of Tuck would throw us a last minute curve ball to serve up another juicy cutter.
For a season plus, the Carver has stalked the beauty enhanced women of Miami on the FX drama Nip/Tuck. With the end of season 3 finally bringing itself to a close with its two-hour shebang, it is time to unmask the creator of grotesque smiley faces. With every character in the Nip/Tuck universe missing enough screws to open a Home Depot, the possibilities are endless. Will it be the fuming femanazi Liz? Has Matt's shuffling father figures and newfound white supremacist ways pushed him to cut? Maybe, Bobolit survived the do-it-yourself facial transplant surgery and is exacting revenge on Kimber and Christian. Of course, what discussion of the Carver would be complete without everybody's favorite bi surgeon from Hot-lanta Quentin? It's time to unmask every psychologists dream patient and end one of television's hottest mysteries. |
Episode one of the evening focuses on Matt's tranny punching bag, Cherry Peck. She (he?) had some hack strip-mall plastic surgeon reset her face, and the results look like Ray Charles was wielding the knife. She employs a little extortion, telling Sean he'd be piecing her back together for free due to Matt's brutal tantrum, but Sean threatens to sick the cops on her for her retaliation. Matt convinces Sean that fixing Cherry would help them all heal this ugly rift. After sitting on the verge of tattooing a swastika on his forehead and putting a bolt in his tongue, Matt seems to be sobering up from his hangover on the dark side.
Kimber's back, or at least her boobs are. A bloody package arrives at McNamara/Troy containing the kitties out of Kimber's sweater kittens. It seems the Carver painstakingly reversed all of Christain's ten plastic surgeries performed on her, dropping this 10 to a freakish -6 wharf rat. If that weren't a fun enough thought, all this barbaric butchery was performed anesthetic free. Kimber blames Christian for the slice and dice, thinking he left her to be the Carver's Thanksgiving bird. The Carver's "beauty is a curse" brainwashing set in with Kimber and though Christian takes away all the blows from the ugly stick, she'll never see life in the same mirror again. As she reevaluates her shallow life, she decides she'll never be able to be with Christian again. Umm...yeah right.
 | | | Nip/Tuck: Season 3 Finale | | Starring: Dylan Walsh, Julian McMahon, John Hensley, Bruno Campos, Joely Richardson & Kelly Carlson |
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So Quentin's got no dick -- literally. Kit is back on the case and hauls Quentin in on the discovery of Kimber. Kit grills Quentin with all the same scare tactics exacted on Christian, then strips him down to make the Ken doll discovery. Evidently some bizarre birth defect, that only Nip/Tuck could unearth, explains it, but my question is, how does he urinate? Dick or not, the cops pounce on his place after an entire sorority house gets a Joker-like make-over. He's found tied to the bed, carved, with the words "I can't stop" emblazoned in blood above the bed. So Quentin's not the Carver?
On the aside, preggers Julia is going to all the appointments with Sean, just like a normal couple instead of the dysfunctional...whatever they are. When did ol' Sean slip one past the goalie anyway? Sean is ready to sign the house over to Julia, but she wants to leave behind the painful past to give the child a clean slate. Sounds a little ominous for Sean's chances, but two seconds later, she's saying she's ready for them to be a couple again. As for the old adage, what do women want? I don't even think they know themselves.
So the real tension of the episode isn't the Carver so much as the hate triangle of Matt, tranny Cherry and Ariel's dad. Ariel suckers Matt into her car, and she and her psycho father kidnap him and Cherry. They take them back to the family basement where dear old dad offers to let Matt chop off his manhood with a dull box cutter. At the last moment, Cherry volunteers her willy, and Matt gets to perform her reassignment surgery a little earlier than expected. Then he hauls the two of them off to a secluded spot for Matt to do his dirty work, burying Cherry alive. Ya think daddies got some unresolved issues? Matt calls his bluff, growing a sizable set by telling the grand dragon to shoot him. Cherry whacks Ariel's dad with the shovel then whacks him for good.
In a ultra-cheesy move flailing for straws, Kit hauls Liz in, trying to pin her as the Carver based on getting arrested during a feminist protest march in college and the ill sedatation of Rhea Reynolds. Weak, I say. Finally, the Carver shows his mask, drugging Christian and Sean and strapping them up to the Christ-like operating tables. The mask comes off, and it's none other than -- Quentin. Bruno Campos' acting goes over the top, transforming his witty, evil spawn into a loopy, fruitcake. Quentin snips off one of Sean's fingers and is seconds away from taking off Christian's hand before Kit comes in guns a blazing. The tension was completely sucked out of this scene by Bruno Campos' questionable acting, and the scene set itself up for the last minute save. Nice Gotan Project musical serenade though.
So what caused Quentin to cut and rape people with a strap-on? Kit explains, he and his sister were born with severe birth defects rooted in incestuous unions. Quentin toiled through life minus a peter and got through med school to repair his sister's horribly disfigured face. His rampage is to exact revenge on a world who never accepted his sister as she was. Kit exits stage left back to England, but something doesn't add up. Gina supposedly called 911 before she herself was carved per Kit, but Gina said she didn't. Turns out, Kit was Quentin's sister, the shooting was staged, and bro and sis are sipping Sangrias in Spain, scooping out new beauties to mangle. Nice twist, but I wish there were more background clues to support this twelfth hour revelation.
So the season closer unveiled our masked stalker with little surprise. Quentin was the odds on favorite on every message board, myspace website and Vegas pool known to man. I thought the clever writers of Tuck would throw us a last minute curve ball to serve up another juicy cutter. They did do a nice job building the layers of tension as Matt stared death in the face, and the off-the-wall development of Quentin's missing woody. So on the whole, the finale proved a tad better than average, leaving several plot holes untouched or ill explained. So the lingering plot developments for next season include zingers like what's up with Julia's baby? Can Kimber be re-brainwashed Christian-style? How is Matt going to beat the murder rap? Are we to see the return of the Carver after he and sis wrap their incestuous holiday? Regardless, it should be fun and controversial as always.
Original Airdate: December 20, Tuesday 10 E/P
Season 3, Episode 14 "Cherry Peck"
Season 3, Episode 15 "Quentin Costa"
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